“Sexual Correctness:
Has it gone too far?”
BY SARAH CRICHTON with DEBRA ROSENBERG
in Providence, STANLEY HOLMES in Yellow Springs, Ohio, MARTHA BRANT in New
York, DONNA FOOTE in Los Angeles, NINA BIDDLE in New Orleans and bureau reports
Newsweek
October 25,
1993
The women at Brown University play hardball. Three years ago, fed up with an
administration that wasn't hopping into action, they scrawled the names of
alleged rapists on the bathroom stalls. Brown woke up, revamped its
disciplinary system and instituted mandatory sexual-assault education for
freshmen. But that really hasn't calmed the siege mentality. This fall, Alan
S., class of '94, returned to Brown after a one-year suspension for
"non-consensual physical contact of a sexual nature," the first
student to come back after such disciplinary action. And two weeks ago, all
over Brown -- on the doors of dorms, on bulletin boards, by the mailroom in
Faunce House -- posters cropped up. Under a mug shot cut from a class book, it
read. "These are the facts: [Alan S.] was convicted of 'sexual misconduct'
by the UDC, was sentenced to a one-year suspension; he has served his term and
is back on campus." It was signed "rosemary and time." As these
posters go, it was low-key. But that doesn't matter. Alan S. had been publicly
branded as an "assaulter."
No big deal, said senior Jennifer Rothblatt, hanging out in the Blue Room, a
campus snack bar. "As a protest against the system, it's valid and
necessary," she said, brushing her long, golden-brown hair off her face.
Besides, she added, the posters simply state the facts.
Well, wait. What are the facts? Who is the victimizer here and who is the
victim? In the ever-morphing world of Thou Shalt Not Abuse Women it's getting
mighty confusing. Crimes that hurt women are bad: we know that. But just as
opportunities keep expanding for women, the list of what hurts them seems to
grow, too. A Penn State professor claims Goya's luscious "The Naked
Maja," a print of which hangs in her classroom, hurts her ability to teach;
it sexually harasses her. A Northwestern University law professor is trying to
make street remarks -- your basic "hey baby" stuff -- legally
punishable as assaultive behavior that limits a woman's liberty. Verbal
coercion can now constitute rape. But what is verbal coercion -- "Do me or
die"? Or, "C'mon, Tiffany, if you won't, I'm gonna go off with
Heather." If the woman didn't want it, it's sexual assault. And thanks to
nature, he's got the deadly weapon.
Feminist politics have now homed in like missiles on the twin issues of date
rape and sexual harassment, and the once broad-based women's movement is
splintering over the new sexual correctness. "The Morning After: Sex, Fear
and Feminism on Campus," a controversial new book by Katie Roiphe, argues
that issues like date rape reduce women to helpless victims in need of
protective codes of behavior. The much-publicized rules governing sexual
intimacy at Antioch College seem to stultify relations between men and women on
the cusp of adulthood. Like political correctness on campuses, there's
pitifully little room for debate or diverse points of view. For expressing her
ideas, Roiphe has received threats. A NEWSWEEK photographer at Antioch -- a
woman who had permission to photograph -- was attacked by a mob of students
and, yes, sexually harassed by several who exposed themselves.
The workplace, the campuses and the courts are the new testing grounds of
sexual correctness. Complaints of harassment on the job have ballooned in the
last three years (page 57) as men and women try to sort out when they can and
cannot flirt, flatter, offer a friendly pat. Too many rules? Maybe. The
obsession with correct codes of behavior seems to portray women not as thriving
on their hard-won independence but as victims who can't take care of
themselves. Will the new rules set women free? Or will they set them back?
Young men and women used to be sent off to college with a clear sense of how it
would be. Back in the dark ages, when guys still wielded mighty swords and
girls still protected their virtue (which is to say the mid-1960s), in a
military school overlooking the Tennessee River, a colonel gathered his
graduating cadets for the everything-you-need-to-know-about-sex lecture.
"Gentlemen," he drawled, "soon you'll go off and get married and
before you do, you need to understand the differences between men and
women."
He began to draw a chart on the blackboard. At the top of one column he wrote
MEN, at the top of another, WOMEN. It looked like this:
|
|
MEN |
WOMEN |
love |
LOVE |
SEX |
sex |
"That's what men and women believe in," he said, and then went on to
describe a typical wedding night. When the bride finally climbs into bed and
sees the groom, he warned, "chances are she'll scream and probably throw
up. Don't worry: this is perfectly natural."
Bette Midler had a name for a night like that. Back in the early '70s, she sang
of romantic disappointment in a little ditty called "Bad Sex."
Everyone had bad sex back then and, to hear them tell, survived just fine. Now
feminists on campus quote Andrea Dworkin: "The hurting of women is . . .
basic to the sexual pleasure of men."
Rape and sexual harassment are real. But between crime and sexual bliss are
some cloudy waters. To maneuver past the shoals, corporations and universities
try two-pronged approach: re-education an regulations. Some rules make sense:
"It is unacceptable to have sex with a person he/she is unconscious."
Others seem silly. After attending mandatory sexual-harassment seminars at
Geffen Records where she works, Bryn Bridenthal is rethinking every move she
makes. "Everybody is looking for anything to be misinterpreted."
Bridenthal used to quite innocently stroke the arm of a man who had a penchant
for wearing luxuriously soft cashmere sweaters. "I never thought anything
about it, but through the seminars I realized that I shouldn't do that,"
she says. "It's not worth doing anything that might be construed by anyone
as sexual harassment."
If it's chilly in the workplace, it's down right freezing on campus. No school
has concocted guidelines quite as specific as Antioch College's. Deep among the
cornfields and pig farms of central Ohio in the town of Yellow Springs, Antioch
prides itself on being "A Laboratory for Democracy." The dress code
is grunge and black; multiple nose rings are de rigueur, and green and
blue hair are preferred (if you have hair). Seventy percent of the student body
are womyn (for the uninitiated, that's women -- without the dreaded m-e-n). And
the purpose of the Sexual Offense Policy is to empower these students to become
equal partners when it comes time to mate with males. The goal is 100 percent
consensual sex, and it works like this: it isn't enough to ask someone if she'd
like to have sex, as an Antioch women's center advocate told a group of
incoming freshmen this fall. You must obtain consent every step of the way.
"If you want to take her blouse off, you have to ask. If you want to touch
her breast, you have to ask. If you want to move your hand down to her
genitals, you have to ask. If you want to put your finger inside her, you have
to ask." Well, Molly Bloom would do fine.
How silly this all seems; how sad. It criminalizes the delicious unexpectedness
of sex -- a hand suddenly moves to here, a mouth to there. What is the purpose
of sex if not to lose control? (To be unconscious, no.) The advocates of sexual
correctness are trying to take the danger out of sex, but sex is inherently
dangerous. It leaves one exposed to everything from euphoria to crashing
disappointment. That's its great unpredictability. But of course, that's sort
of what we said when we were all made to we seat belts.
What is implicit in the new sex guidelines is that it's the male who does the
initiating and the woman who at any moment may bolt. Some young women rankle at
that. "I think it encourages wimpy behavior by women and [the idea] that
women need to be handled with kid gloves," says Hope Segal, 22, a
fourth-year Antioch student. Beware those boys with their swords, made deaf by
testosterone and, usually, blinded by drink.
Drink -- the abuse of it, the abuses that occur because of it -- is key. In up
to 70 percent of acquaintance rapes, alcohol plays a role, says Manhattan
sex-crime prosecutor Linda Fairstein, author of "Sexual Violence: Our War
Against Rape." And because alcohol poses such a powerful problem, it is
the rule at almost every school (and the law in most states) that "consent
is not meaningful" if given while under the influence of alcohol, drugs or
prescription medication. If she's drunk she's not mentally there, and her
consent counts for zip. if the man is just as drunk a the woman, that's no
excuse. Mary P. Koss is a professor of psychology at the University of Arizona
and the author of a high regarded, if controversial, survey of rape and college-age
students. "The Scope of Rape" indicates that one in four
collegestudents has been the victim of a rape or attempted rape. In those
numbers Koss includes women who have been coerced into having sex while
intoxicated. "The law punishes the drunk driver who kills a
pedestrian," she argues. "And likewise, the law needs to be there to
protect the drunk woman from the driver of the penis."
"Men and women just think differently," Antioch president Alan Guskin
says, "and we've got to help the students understand the
differences." It's a policy, he says, designed to create a
"safe" campus environment. But for all the attempts to make themfeel
secure, a lot of young college women just feel like sitting ducks. "As a
potential survivor . . ." a Barnard student said to a visiting reporter.
As a what? Potential survivor equals an inevitable victim. Every
Wednesday night at Dartmouth, a group of undergraduate women gather to warn one
another about potential date rapists. At the University of Michigan, and several
other schools as well, when sorority women attend frat parties, a designated
"sober" monitor stands guard over her friends. "Whenever people
start going upstairs, you go up to them right away," says Marcy Myers.
"You ask, 'Do you know this guy? You're drunk, do you want to go home? You
can call him tomorrow'." "My friends won't go to parties at Dartmouth
without other women," says Abby Ross, and before they leave the dorm, they
check each other's outfits, too. No one wears short skirts. "You should be
able to wear whatever you want. But the reality is that you're not dealing with
people who have the same set of values," says Ross.
This defensive mind-set is at the heart of the escalating battle over date
rape. Critics charge feminists with hyping the statistics and so broadening the
definition of rape that sex roles are becoming positively Victorian. Women are
passive vessels with no responsibility for what happens; men are domineering
brutes with just one thing on their minds. "People have asked me if I have
ever been date-raped," writes Katie Roiphe in "The Morning
After." "And thinking back on complicated nights, on too many glasses
of wine, on strange and familiar beds, I would have to say yes. With such a
sweeping definition of rape, I wonder how many people there are, male or
female, who haven't been date-raped at one point or another . . . If verbal
coercion constitutes rape, then the word "rape" itself expands to
include any kind of sex a woman experiences as negative."
Roiphe, 25, a Harvard graduate and now a doctoral candidate it Princeton,
argues that a hysteria has gripped college campuses, fomented by
"rape-crisis feminists." "The image that emerges from feminist
preoccupations with rape and sexual harassment is that of women as victims,
offended by a professor's dirty joke, verbally pressured into sex by peers.
This image of a delicate woman bears a striking resemblance to that "50s
ideal my mother and the other women of her generation fought so hard to get
away from. They didn't like her passivity . . . her excessive need for
protection . . . But here she is again, with her pure intentions and her wide
eyes. Only this time it is the feminists themselves who are breathing new life
into her."
ROIPHE IS GETTING WHOMPED FOR her provocative, though too-loosely documented,
book. A "traitor," says Gail Dines, a professor of sociology and
women's studies at Wheelock College, who lectures about rape and pornography.
She calls Roiphe the "Clarence Thomas of women," just trying to suck
up to the "white-male patriarchy." She thinks Roiphe will get her
comeuppance. Warns Dines, in a most unsisterly fashion: "[When] she walks
down the street, she's one more woman."
So how much of a threat is rape? What are women facing on dates with
acquaintances or on the streets with strangers? Throughout her book, Roiphe
wrestles with Koss's one-in-four statistic. "If I was really standing in
the middle of an epidemic, a crisis," she asks, "if 25 percent of my
female friends were really being raped, wouldn't I know about it?"
Heresy! Denial! Backlash! In an essay in The New Yorker, Katha Pollitt fired
back: "As an experiment, I applied Roiphe's anecdotal method myself, and
wrote down what I knew about my own circle of acquaintance: eight rapes by
strangers (including one on a college campus, two sex assaults (one Central
Park, one Prospect Park), one abduction (woman walking down street forced into
car full of men), one date rape involving a Mickey Finn, which resulted in
pregnancy and abortion, and two stalkings (one ex-lover, one deranged fan);
plus one brutal beating by a boyfriend, three incidents of childhood incest
(none involving therapistaided "recovered memories"), and one bizarre
incident in which a friend went to a man's apartment after meeting him at a
party and was forced by him to spend the night under the shower, naked, while
he debated whether to kill her, rape her, or let her go."
Holy moly. Pollitt is one of the wisest essayists around; a fine poet, too. And
far be it for us to question her list. So what does the list prove? Well, that
even wise feminists fall precisely into the same trap as Roiphe: you can't
extrapolate from your circle of acquaintance; friends don't constitute a
statistical average. What's more, Pollitt is almost 20 years older than Roiphe;
her friends presumably have lived more years, too. Still, Pollitt's litany is
shocking. It's punch-my-victim-card time: How full's yours?
"When one woman is raped on campus, all women are afraid to go to the
library and finish their chemistry homework," Pat Reuss, a senior policy
analyst with the NOW Legal Defense Fund, told a workshop at the NOW National
Convention this summer. Today, college students are handed, as part of their
orientation programs, pamphlets that spell out the threat and, over and over,
the same dire figures appear: As Penn State's Sexual Assault Awareness pamphlet
reads, in can't-miss-it type: "FBI statistics indicate that one in three
women in our society will be raped during her lifetime."
Except there are no such FBI figures. The figures the FBI does have to offer
are both out-of-date and so conservative that most people dismiss them. The FBI
recognizes rape only as involving forcible penetration of the vagina with a
penis. Oral sex, anal sex, penetration with an object -- these do not
officially constitute rape. It doesn't matter to the FBI if a woman was made
incapacitated by alcohol or drugs, and the agency certainly isn't interested in
verbal coercion. Rape is as narrowly defined by the FBI as could be imagined.
So, in the rape-crisis mentality, the numbers keep being bloated. Which is
crazy, considering the fact that even the most conservative numbers are
horrifying. College students are a high-risk group. The No. 1 group to be
sexually assaulted in this country are 16- to 19-year-olds. The second largest
group hit are the 20- to 24-year-old age bracket. Women are four times more
likely to be assaulted during these years than at any other time in their
lives. Forty-five percent of all rapists arrested are under 25. And as for the
most conservative, yet trustworthy numbers: according to the National Victim
Center survey last year -- a survey that did not include intoxication -- 13
percent of adult women are victims of forcible rape. That's one in seven.
THAT'S A LOT. BUT IT DOESN'T mean all women are victims -- or survivors, as we
are supposed to call them. And it sure doesn't mean all "suffering"
warrants attention or retribution-or even much sympathy. When New York state
Assemblyman Harvey Weisenberg misspoke during a speech and said "sex"
instead of "six," he covered up his error by looking at Assemblywoman
Earlene Hill (Democrat of Hempstead) and joked, "Whenever I think of
Earlene, I think of sex." Another brutish colleague wouldn't move his legs
so she could get to her seat and made her climb over him. Sexual harassment,
she cried, saying: "If I don't speak up, then they won't realize it's
wrong and there will be a new victim." Oh, please. A student at the
University of Virginia told The New York Times that she favored a ban on all
student/faculty dating because "One of my professors asked me out and it
made me Nearly uncomfortable." So tell him to bug off. Artist Sue Williams
plopped a six-feet-in-diameter piece of plastic vomit on the floor of the Whitney
Museum as her protest against the male-dominated beauty-obsessed culture that
makes women stick fingers down their throats. Tell them to get some therapy and
cut it out. You want to talk victimization? Talk to the mothers all over
America whose children have been slaughtered in urban cross-fire.
"I'm sick of women wallowing in the victim state," says Betty
Friedan. "We have empowered ourselves. We are able to blow the whistle on
rape. I am not as concerned with that as I am with violence in our whole
society."
It does seem ironic that the very movement created to encourage women to stand
up and fight their own battles has taken this strange detour, and instead is
making them feel vulnerable and in need of protection. From the grade schools
to the workplace, women are asking that everything be codified: How to act;
what to say. Who to date- how to date: when to mate. They're huddling in packs,
insisting on a plethora of rules on which to rely, and turning to authority
figures to complain when anything goes wrong. We're not creating a society of
Angry Young Women. These are Scared Little Girls.
For all the major advances in the status of women in the last 25 Years, the
shifts in attitudes don't seem to have percolated down to our kids. Parents
still raise girls to become wives, and sons to be sons. "I think to some
extent we're dealing with a cultural lag," says Janet Hansche, a clinical
psychologist and director of the Counseling and Testing Center at Tulane
University. "Society still trains women to be pliant, to be nice, to try
to avoid saying no, and my guess is that that's most everywhere."
And we're not doing any better raising boys. Obviously something's still screwy
in this society. Boys are still being brought up to believe it's the height of
cool to score -- as if ejaculation were a notable achievement for an adolescent
male. Young men still "get tremendous status from aggressiveness,"
says Debra Haffner. executive director of SECUS (the Sex Information and
Education Council of the U.S.). "But no one teaches them how to live in
the real world." It is a weird real world when "nice" boys in a
"nice" community, good students, good athletes, good family, rape a
mentally handicapped girl with a broomstick handle and a plastic baseball bat,
and try to claim it was consensual. "Aren't they virile specimens?"
Don Belman boasted to a New York Times reporter about his three Spur Posse
sons, one of whom was awaiting trial for allegedly trying to run over several
girls with a pickup truck while another had been arrested on sexual charges.
All right. Not all boys turn into Glen Ridge, Spur Posse, Tailhook-grabbing
beings. But when it comes to human sexuality, the messages that are being sent
to kids -- male and female -- remain cloaked in myth. In 1993, girls who want sex
are still sluts, those who don't are still teases. And those who finally make
it to college are completely befuddled.
Which is why it's time for everyone who doesn't have a serious problem to pipe
down. What is happening on the campuses is scary, because it is polarizing men
and women. Rather than encouraging them to work together, to trust one another,
to understand one another, it is intensifying suspicion. Brown sophomore David
Danon complains, "Women have all the power here on sexual conduct . . . It's
very dangerous for us." If women are so profoundly distrustful of men, how
will they raise boys? And if men are so defensive about women, how will they
raise little girls'? The most pressing problem the majority of American -women
face isn't rape or sexual harassment. It's the fact that, in addition to
holding down full-time work, they still are burdened with the lion's share of
parenting and housework responsibility. Add it up, says sociologist Arlie
Hochschild, and it comes to a full month's worth of 24-hour days. Line up the
100 most involved fathers you know and ask one question: what size shoes do
your children wear?
Real life is messy, rife with misunderstandings and contradictions. There's no
eight-page guide on how to handle it. There are no panels of mediators out
there to turn to unless it gets truly bad. Those who are growing up in
environments where they don't have to figure out what the rules should be, but
need only follow what's been prescribed. are being robbed of the most important
lesson there is to learn. And that's how to live.
GRAPHIC: Photos 1
through 10, The feminist battlefront, Clarence Thomas and protesters at his
1991 confirmation hearings, mother and child, Justice Ginsburg, rape accuser
Patricia Bowman and William Kennedy Smith, Goya's 'Naked Maja,' prom pair,
working mom and son, Antioch students, Boston rape-crisis center, LYNN JOHNSON
-- BLACK STAR, KAREN KASMAUSKI -- MATRIX, ART RESOURCE, ILENE ERHLICH, ROB
CRANDALL -- PICTURE GROUP, GAMMA-LIAISON, ABC -- GAMMA-LIAISON, LARRY DOWNING
-- NEWSWEEK, STEPHEN SHAMES -- MATRIX, WALLY McNAMEE FOR NEWSWEEK; Picture 1,
Roiphe condemns feminist hysteria, AMY ARBUS; Picture 2, no caption; Picture 3,
An NRA ad, reenactment of a date rape at a Brown University seminar, NINA
BERMAN -- SIPA; Picture 4, Prosecutor Fairstein says alcohol plays a huge role
in date rapes, JEFFREY LOWE
LANGUAGE: ENGLISH